The Hogwarts Academy of the Ninja Arts
by idkwhatthisevenis
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, a young boy with a scar on his stomach that he knows nothing of, is suddenly thrown into the magical world of ninjas. What will happen? [Harry Potter rewritten with Naruto characters. OOC. Crackish. T for language.]


_Hello, everyone! -waves frantically-  
In a desperate attempt to overcome my writer's block, I am forced to write inane fics such as this one. x.x; Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this silly, meaningless fic.  
(By the way, I am not a big Harry Potter fan, and I've only read the first 4 books, so please forgive me if any imformation is innacurate. I'm sure most of it is. Also, this contains no real HP characters, just Naruto characters substituted as them.)  
Thank you!  
- izzie_

**HOGWARTS ACADEMY OF THE NINJA ARTS**

"...'scuse me sir... where can I find platform nine and three quarters?" a young blonde boy stared up inquisitively at a neatly dressed man in a business suit.

"What?"

"Platform nine and three quarters," the boy repeated politely.

"Don't be absurd. There's no such thing!"

"What? But I -"

"Good day!" the man shook his head and walked off, muttering something that sounded like. "Kids these days."

The boy sniffled. He distinctly remembered that Kakashi had distinctly told him Platform nine and three quarters...

**- FLASHBACK, TWO WEEKS AGO -**

"WAKE UP, NARUTO!"

"Hnn?" the blonde boy shook his head groggily.

"GET UP, YOU VILE BOY!"

"Alright... coming, Aunt Kurenai..."

The boy, named Uzumaki Naruto, rose from his small cot. He blinked groggily and looked around in the rat hole he called his room. It was actually a closet under the stairs and served poorly as a bedroom.

Naruto had bright blue eyes and an exuberant personality, but by far, his most apalling trait was the spiral-shaped scar on his stomach. He lived with his Aunt Kurenai and Uncle Asuma because his parents died in a tragic car accident, which supposedly left the scar on his tummy. Unfortunately, both his relatives were cruel and only doted on their repulsive son / Naruto's cousin, Choji.

"GET UP, YOU LAZY BOAR!"

"Coming! Coming!"

Naruto hastily pulling a pair of trousers over his orange boxer shorts, which used to be Choji's and were two sizes too big. He stumbled clumsily out of his "room" and hurried to the dining room.

"Well, look who's up bright and early," Aunt Kurenai said in a nasty voice.

"Good morning, Auntie," Naruto replied, taking her comment in stride.

He seated himself at the table next to his Choji. Choji was extremely fat and had the scent and manners of a goat.

"G'morning, Sleeping Ugly," Choji said to Naruto, sniggering. Naruto ignored him as Aunt Kurenai served everyone at the table a slice of grapefruit for breakfast. He noted that his piece was the smallest, while Choji's was the largest.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Naruto cringed as Uncle Asuma strolled into the dining room, newspaper under a hairy, smelly armpit, giving Aunt Kurenai a peck on the cheek.

"Good morning, dear." Aunt Kurenai smiled and kissed him back.

Repulsed, Naruto looked at his grapefruit.

"The birds outside are chirping too much," Choji complained. "Mommy, make them shut up!"

Suddenly, there was a massive explosion, a brilliant blue flash, and the side of the kitchen blew up. Aunt Kurenai and Choji screamed simultaneously.

"What the hell?" Uncle Asuma roared, sweeping the smoke away with his fat arm.

A tall man emerged from the rubble.

"Hello," he said. "I'm Kakashi."

"What the devil are you doing in my house?" hollered Asuma. "Get the hell out! You're gonna have to pay for this, you know! How DARE you come trumpeting into my house and blow a hole in my -"

"Aww, shaddup," Kakashi said. He looked at Naruto. "You must be Naruto," he said.

"Yeah...?" the boy looked at Kakashi questionably. How did this guy know his name?

"Yer a ninja, Naruto," Kakashi said.

"What?"

"That's right, a ninja."

"... Oh."

"NO FAIR!" Choji squealed/screamed. "WHY CAN'T I BE A NINJA!?!?"

"Be quiet, you fatass," Kakashi growled. He turned back to Naruto. "In two weeks, the train at platform nine and three quarters will depart for Hogwarts Academy of the Ninja Arts at 9 o'clock AM sharp. You are expected to be there. After all, you are the boy who lived. You will train and learn to become a great ninja, and Hogwarts is honored to accept such a talented student."

"Huh?"

"G'bye." Kakashi dissapeared in a puff of smoke.

**- BACK TO THE PRESENT -**

Confused, Naruto looked around. He saw Platform 3, and Platform 4, but not Platform nin and tree quarters. What the hell?

He turned to ask a nearby boy for directions, but was shocked to see that he ran right past him. "Watch out!" Naruto yelled. The boy was headed straight for the barrier between platforms 3 and 4, and was definetly going to crash.

"What???" Naruto stared in disbelief as the boy went right _through_ the platform. "What the fuck?" Naruto was puzzled. "Oh, well. Might as well give it a shot."

Breathing deeply, Naruto charged headlong into the barrier, and... _whoosh!_

He was through!

A sign that read PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS shone above his head. He stared in awe at a huge black train that had the words 'THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS' stamped on it in gold letters.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto stepped onto the train, wondering what adventures awaited him.

_(;  
Hope it was at least half decent!  
More chapters coming soon.  
Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
- izzie_


End file.
